It's actually a thing. You know, the voice in your head that says if you can't do it right you may as well not do it all. Well actually, maybe you don't know. Maybe you're one of those courageous people who dive in and make mistakes as you go. I have never been one of those people and I'm sure that some of you reading this can relate.
When it comes to this blog and my writing in general, I've been paralyzed by perfection for years.
I'm a serious - we're talking as intense as it gets - perfectionist. I've been that way for as long as I can remember in every aspect of my life. My relationships, my body, my dancing, my grades were all never able to measure up to the unrealistic expectations set by the voice in my head. It's actually a really hard way to live. Can you see why I needed yoga so badly?
At the same time, I'm completely aware of the fact that every single thing I'm proud of required me to realize that the voice in my head was always going to say I wasn't ready, wasn't good enough and needed more time.
I enrolled in my first 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training despite hearing but you can't even hold a handstand. I auditioned for teaching jobs despite hearing you'll never get it, she has more experience. I opened a studio despite hearing - very loudly I might add - you have no business experience and no one is going to come!
I often wonder where I would be today if I had let the perfectionist win. My life has taught me again and again the importance of telling that voice to be quiet. Sometimes you just have to do it, even if it's not perfect.
I've been able to do this in my yoga career and have seen the pay off. I've been so busy over the last few years with teaching and running my studio (which I'm so very grateful for) that I haven't had to face the fact that perfection is paralyzing me in the writing world.
But here I am. In a new city, country actually, with no job (yet), a boyfriend that works (a lot) and all the time in the world to myself to finally dive into building up the online community that I've dreamed of for years. I finally have the time to shift from being a wannabe writer to an actual one.
Let me first say, I love what I do.
Teaching. Owning a studio. Helping people. Feeling like my work is making a difference in the world. I feel so lucky. But if I'm being completely honest, I've always felt that something is missing. I'm a creative and for me to feel completely fulfilled in work and life, I need to expand my teaching beyond the yoga mat and into the written word.
But my perfectionist has always told me I'm not quite ready. It's convinced me of a million reasons why I shouldn't dive in and start creating. The website needs a facelift. That maybe I shouldn't be blogging under my name. That I need a more legit logo. That I've been out of practice and out of the game for too long. That there's already so much out there. That no one needs to hear what I have to say.
Well my friends, today's the day I tell the perfectionist to shut up.
I'm saying so long to perfection paralysis and I want you to join me. Where in your life have you been holding back from what you really want because you're waiting for the perfect moment, perfect person or perfect time? Maybe it's time to say shut up or better yet 'F' off (my mom's reading I just can't do it). If this is resonating with you, I hope you find comfort in the fact that I'm right here with you. Maybe we should start a club.
I'll be updating regularly this year and I hope that you stick around to hear what I have to say. This is a space to expand my teaching beyond the walls of a yoga room and to stretch my reach across the pond. I'll be posting regularly in hopes that my writing gets you thinking, brings more fulfillment to your days and inspires you to bring yoga off the mat (even if you've never been on a mat).
I'm done waiting for someday.
My posts might not be perfect but they'll be here.